Yesterday night I could not sleep I was restless due the heavy iPhone app work I have done and experienced recently.
So I decided to put a light base of Weed together with a low dose of Salvia into my small coca cola glass pipe.
I smoked it as it would be my favorite drink, with long inhalations, trying to penetrate the depth of my lungs with it with ought coughing. Let it flow through the lungs mildly and unleash its magic. I took only about 4 such hits and decided to put the pipe away since the effect was arising quickly.
It begann to feel very odd and scary like losing the control, I stood up and walked to my bathroom to drink some water from the sink. I was drinking and it felt like I lost the feeling of time I couldn’t say to myself anymore how long I was already drinking. So I stopped and started watching in the mirror. I could see a lot of insecurity and fear in my eyes but also a very good looking young man.
I decided it will be the best idea to go back to my bed and lie there with some nice chill music. The effect became stronger and stronger and it came with a whole bunch of fear. Like existential deathly fear, I started to imagen or memorize my traumatic event where I was almost beaten to death together with my brother from a spanish gang. The memory became more and more realistic as the effect of the salvia grew. All the feelings and pain came up, I gained the control to switch away from this thought but I decided to stay to examine the full amount of fear.
It was as different types of fear that hold me are shown to me.
I had a manifesting thought of my father shouting at me as a kid which also raised tremendous fear in me.
In my mind I saw like a rotation circle and my father falling behind and denying the need of new things because he couldn’t keep up with it. Then I had him death and a immense sadness and feeling of being lost in this crazy reality without reference point appeared. I observed my own decaying and sickening and the growing fear of my own awaiting death.
I really wanted to put the whole experience in a positive direction now and focused on the nice music that was playing.
Thoughts about my app’s and work appeared, it felt like a had some deep breakthroughs and also gave myself more permission to become successful, as a reward of facing some of my underlieng fears.
My thoughts became more and more rapid and there where no felt gaps in-between anymore. It felt like a warm pillow I was sinking into. A garden eden appeared around me, I had my eyes closed. It felt like I had access to totally different areas of my brain now, like a garden eden in my mind, I felt liberated from fears. The image of the brain with millions of gateways appeared.
The thoughts where now so fast that it felt they are on the edge to leave the world of matter, becoming an other form of higher energy. For me it was like a reasonable thought that this speeding up lets us transcend the physical realm but I did not had enough to do so.
This morning I awaked and was eager to work on all my games. I updated all 10 of them and uploaded them to apple this event boosted my already declining motivation up again.
Intense Weekend! That’s a rarity because mostly they are not..
Since Amsterdam 2 months ago, we did not have any consciousness effecting substances, except coffee and sugar. It was about time! On friday I bought some cupcake mix from the supermarket and mixed some herbs, before I baked them up.
My girlfriend Karolina and me ate each a half since some friend wanted to come over to eat some cauliflower soup created by Karo. The plan was to go into the park and play some „Capture the flag“, I never heard about the game in real life. It’s a common play mode in video games tough. What ever it started to rain and we arrived way to late there.
So we went home after 20 minutes without even had ran one single time. We watched some movies, she and I had a light buzz effect of it, but nothing spectacular.
So let’s come to the interesting stuff, saturday we smoked it out of a small pipe together with another herb called Salvia.
It had a strong effect and could be compared to the first stage of a magic mushroom trip. Objects became more fluid to look at, the own voice seemed much further away from the self as usual. I was overall much deeper within me, if that makes any sense.
We decided to go jogging because we heard from joe rogan podcast that jogging in a altered state is a totally different experience. It should be very meditative and intro introperspective. So we took our shoes and the iPhone to track our performance.
I could feel every muscle and bone in my body, the breathing rhythm felt perfect. The main reason I normally stop to run is because the breathing doesn’t supply enough air to sustain the body anymore. Or in other words when I feel exhausted. But with this rhythm I felt i could run for hours, Karo was behind me and she probably had a totally different experience because normally she is very fit but she was all red and out of breath.
We both tended to lose ourselves either in too much thought or in nothingness, it seemed to be the same thing.
When we crossed streets I was super carefully so afraid I could make a mistake. In the park different areas, depending on how much sun or shadow they got, or how the form of the place or route was, the location felt dramatically different.
So overall we made 4 Kilometers which is a pretty normal result for us. But I swear I could have ran much more it felt so insightful to observe the body while this heavy performance act together with this perfect breath rhytm.
On Sunday we left away the salvia because it was pretty trippy and we wanted to have it still somewhere controllable. So we ate only 1 cupcake and went to the Zoo. This creepy reptiles.. I was making a starring contest with all animals I could find because I really wanted to check what they are all about. And these herbs let you really connect or dig deep into what you put your focus on. But mostly I got interrupted by very loud and annoying default zoo guests, which are loud hammering against the glass windows and eat their snacks like they walked a marathon today. They are not really letting a true meeting between them and the animals happen, I mean there is glass between you and the animals but still you can connect much more deeply if you really would go for it.
So I think we started with some pelicans which had a pretty chilled and back-stairing reaction. But I could definitely get their attention through it, even if plenty of people where around.
There was this one alligator which must have got very unconfident, with me starring at him, because after a while he just stood up and hidden himself behind a rock. So looking at the eyes has a lot to do with dominance but I can’t take this entirely there has been some other communication but most simpler creatures like these lizard couldn’t stand it. Birds could.
There was this crazy bird which was defending the entry hall to this hall, it was this kind of halls with the tropic flowers and animals where you can freely walk through.
So he was peeping and I would almost saying screaming at the people entering his part. A lot of people gathered around him because he was beautiful orange and acted like he was on exctasy.
He flew right in the face of my girlfriend and scratched her lightly with his feets, she must had looked very scary to the bird. My girlfriend was just laughing, it was only a small bird, not really a threat.
The biggest connection I could build up to a bird that was one that looked like a tiger peacock, which was walking on the ground. No other people where around so I could come very close by moving slowly. I was going on my knees and created the eye to eye connection.
And the bird started to make noise towards me, I put my hand and rubbed her feathery chest. She seemed to be ok with it, not pleased but ok. She started looking hectic at me and making varies noises. It felt like the bird wanted to say me something but she couldn’t and she was even aware of it what made her sad and getting more and more hysteric. A second bird probably the male version appeared slightly behind her, he was just watching.
So I felt maybe I just scared the poor bird so I decided to move away, but in this moment where I was going away she was jumping against the fence like I’m not finished. This deep encounter felt like animals have the same basic consciousness at the root, but are much more limited through their vehicle and it’s abilities. This sounds hippy but I just write as experienced.
The switch between this intense animal kingdom back to the U-bahn was also pretty impressive, just the realization that we have developed out of this dangerous wild food chain, upwards to a totally higher level on which we have not to care about any of these predators, in the regular daily live.